complex wednesday

Is Wednesday again, every week of this times, my stomach is full of butterfly. Mixture of feeling -- Should i looking forward for the nite practice?, Should i go to the practice? Would he come for the practice? But most of the time is the FEAR that occupy of the my heart.

To be honest, I hate the feeling of fear....sometimes it would attack without any warning,  just like it is hiding somewhere in the dark corner and ready to haunt u anytime......is it what they call "anxiety disorders:".

I prayed n prayed, prayed that all of these painful feeling to go away.....But everyday I am ending my day with disappointment, nothing has changed, feeling helpless,  I am still stuck in this uncertainty situation, nothing seem to have any chance to change....!!!!



I keep asking myself:

When can this waiting be totally over? 

When can i start not to feel so terrify again?

How much longer can i stand on this trial?

Would i even gonna get through this??

Lord, I am so frighten, I am so panic.....Can You help me...??

.