Tiring 2023

 

2023 has been dreadful. Beginning of the year I still quite happy and content. Dunno start from which month I just start to felt so annoying about everything around me especially at work. The main reason definitely is Ju. She is pain in the arse, asshole. Biggest liar and most stupid woman I ever meet. Anyway long story short, I am not going to go through all these drama with her anymore. She wants to play game, let her play herself. I am so tiring to deal with all her stupid idiom plot that she created. She thought she is so smart and can manipulate people around. Go ahead with the game, I am out of it. 

So my next problem is to find new clients to replace the income that I have losses. Well, instead of being so unhappy and uneasy around her, I rather choose to go a bumpy road and build up my career again. Although is not going to be easy and that's a lot of new challenge I need to face, but sooner or later I definitely need to face this issue. So rather start my own plan first before she has any action against me. 

Next month I am going to KL for checking again. Mum has been sick and seeing doctor whole half year. This is another tiring matter that have been dreading me. But nowadays as in these few days, she feel a lot better, Thanks God for that. Peter and Judy are going well also. Mum has been doting Judy and this is something so sweet to see. This morning I saw her talking to Judy telling her she got painful leg but Judy ran away. She was angry and saying Judy didn't like her. Hahaha...is so sweet to see mum spoiling Judy. 

So this year I am going to choose course training as my new career direction. I know is a new thing to me and is going to be tiring. But I need to try it first. I must choose other career path other than account. Because my firm is not a audit firm and is difficult to convince client to let me do their account in a monthly basic. But I need monthly income to survive. If only do the sole proprietor or partnership tax once a year, how to survive?

Anyway that's all from me now. Hopefully next time when I log in, I have some good news to share. 

A note for 2022

2022 is going to be over soon and I want to drop down some notes here so next time I can recap on what happen in Year 2022.

I haven't blog as much in 2022 meaning I am emotionally happy. I remember last year I blogged at lot is because I wasn't happy and have a lot of argument with mum and feeling down as well. Here are fews things which should be noted down for record.

Peter & Judy

One thing that bother me a lot is Peter and Judy. Starting this year CNY I requested mum saying can they stay indoor during night time for 15 days during CNY so that the sound of fireworks wouldn't scare them away. Mum agreed and it has been such a release for me. I don't have to worry about them being scare during the night and I can have peace of mind during the night also. Moreover I don't felt guilty as their caretaker. Seeing them suffer and feel so scare during the night really broke my heart. And starting dunno when Judy start to stay indoor every night now. hahaha...And mum seem to allow her to stay...But not Peter. Well.. Peter is ok to stay outdoor as he wants his freedom. This matter doesn't bother me as much this year which I think I need to appreciate and be Thankful about it. 

Renovation

I finally start my renovation journey for the house. Well I started with a wall in my room first, is a baby step, but it should be a important matter to note down too. This year my house also renovate the fence which is so unexpected. Because the neighbor want to do it and willing to pay half of the cost, so mum agree to do it also. Which is so good, it means I got one items less from my renovation list as well. Next year I want to do something to the garden. This would be one of my goal for next year.

Planning

For some reason planning for future month or year really bring joy to my life. I enjoy doing planning on Bullet journal and my personal excel record. I plan for my retirement fund, my company, any possible passive income, my hobbies, my spending, travelling etc. What can I say? Planning spark joy.....Another side note for this: I have been very reluctant to go for breakfast or any 2 hours drink with Pau. Honestly I really think it is so waste of my time. First, I don't want to intake any alcohol or food after 3pm, second, where got so many things to talk? Talking rubbish only.... I really think is being very selfish of her to drag me out just because she needs to wait for her kids to finish tuition. Gosh...I don't enjoy it and why should I waste my time for your personal matter? These few months I was so xien about the breakfast or any drink invite message. I like her as friend but I really want to have some alone time at home. I enjoy staying at home and relax. Doesn't she realize I never ever ask her or ah ma go for any yam cha or breakfast or dinner? Once a month I can accept, but nothing more than that. 

Happiness is the satisfaction with the way one's life is going and freedom to make life choices. 

Stillness

This few months when I got distracted by all the "going out invitation", and when I heard both of them saying they like to yam cha so much, they can sacrifice anything for yam cha ...blab blab blab...I though to myself what a bunch of idiom. What a brainless women they are. I try to think of a way to explain to them why we should have some quiet time or some stillness in our life. Instead of rushing here and there everyday, have they even sit down and have some alone time to think of their life? I also try to rational this thinking too, why I need to have alone time to think, why I should planning for my life, why I should have more stillness in everyday life. I like this quote a lot:

"Stillness is what aim the archie's arrow. It inspires new ideas. It sharpens perspective and illuminates connection." Ryan Holiday

Update on Year 2022

Year 2022 only have another half to go, times flies...Hellooo....I haven't blog any since Nov 2021, I think it means my life was doing fine in the last 6 months. Let me just catch up with what as happened in the past 6 months. 

Jan 22: Went to KL for a Solo Trip. Haven't travel for almost 2 years and I really really needs "alone" times by myself only. It went quite well just very tiring.

Feb 22: My Housing Loan approved. My goodness, what a milestone to achieve. My first housing loan....But It doesn't really excited about it because it means I have more burden to bear in the coming years.

Mar 22: Has been a busy month, so I asked Elena comes to help me up with the new staff Mas. So LC officially have 2 staff now, a milestone to achieve also. 

Apr 22: Not much happen at all, still busy with the tax submission for Jun. First Time doing Mammogram at BMC, the results is ok. 

May 22: Went to KL again and this trip even better than last trip as I was less tired. It was a last min trip because I went to do checkup at Alpha 5 years after my surgery. My cholesterol is very high (i.e. 6.1) so start from this month I cut butter. I was eating too many butter in the last few months. So after 4 months I would do a blood test again to confirm is the butter that cause my cholesterol level to be so high.

Jun 22:  This month I have had too many eat out because Ah pau came back from Solomon and Jenny also came back from Singapore after 2 and half years. My weight has stayed at 48kg since Apr 22. Hard to cut down as needs to go out with ah pau almost 4 times per week. She is coming for good from Aug 22. I don't think I can accompany her like this when she is settling down here at Miri. But because her kids was at Korea this time round, so hopefully when her family settling down here, she would be busy fetching her kids around. Also this month I step out of my comfort zone and looks for someone to reno my room. 

As in today 04.07.2022, I just confirmed with them for the renovation. I am quite apprehensive about it because I never design and do reno my entire life. I am worry it wouldn't turn out the way I want, I am worry about money to spend. This is my first step into renovation since I have started dreaming about how I want to renovate my house last year. Just a wall and a cabinet and a shower door cost me RM 14,000. It is really a baby step for me. Starting with a wall first.....😀

That's for today. I am going to Sibu this Wednesday to attend Ynes's Wedding. I think next blog I would share how's my room turn out to be.

Interesting November 2021

November - the month I never pay attention to. Because It is before December, so usually this is the month I always planning for the coming Christmas or New year events. But This year 2021, November has been different. Not special, just Different.

This month I was so so busy with work. Because I just accepted a job from Meritz to do their SST submission. I haven't accept new job for quite some time. This one has been challenging, but after getting it complete is satisfy. Not because the money I can earn from it, but no one has really guide me through and I have figured it all out by myself. That is worth a pat on the shoulder. 

Second, I attended Annual Methodist Conference on Zoom. Well... nothing special about it, just a note to my diary here.

Thirdly, last week, I met edward at office coincidental.  I hasn't meet him for 3 years already....He still very sweet and nice towards me. But he is a nice guy to everyone so it is nothing. 2 years ago, one day out of the blue, I thought to myself "eh......Edward can be my future partner in life". He is the type of man that I would be attract to. I really don't know where did I get the ideas from, this thought just pop out from my mind. From that day onward I was imaging it is quite nice to be around him and spend time with him etc. Well.....after I have that thought, I never met him again until last week. Is not like I fall in love with him, but i just thought it can be something to consider.

And such a coincidental, Joseph called me on the day I met Edward. He was back in miri. He want to meet me. But because I have to attend conference, I only met him till Friday. You know what... this lunch meeting has been the shortest meeting we had. We always talked like 3-4 hours if we haven't met for quite some time. But that day, I don't know why we got nothing to talk at all. 

Maybe because my mind was on my Meritz SST submission thus I wasn't in mood to chit chat. Or maybe the chemistry between us has gone. Everything he said isn't sound interesting to me anymore, not only it is not interesting, it sort of annoyed me. I am not into anything he did and said anymore. Isn't it strange? When your affection towards someone has gone, it gone. 

My whole mind is about edward. Well....compare to the old times, my feeling towards love has been declining. Enable to meet someone and care for you for life is such a wishful thinking. Although most of the couples around me they has been together for 30,40 50 years and still care so much for each other. But you know, it is not a norm. Many many couples break up, divorce, separate.... so stay together for life is not a norm.  

Today is the last day of November, and November has been interesting....

Hello December, treat me well...see you soon.....

Update on life

 Helloo...September 2021,

Has been a hectic month because of 2 weddings. Finally got it over and now I am welcoming 2022 to come. Another 3 months to go before 2022 arrive. I am going to do a overview of 2021 soon as I have already listed out all the things that I have archived this year. 

He called me on 9th Sept after the wedding of Casa. We talked for almost a hour. Nothing sweet, nothing strong feeling, really just like 2 friends catching up with each other. I think this conversation went better than the one we have on Apr 2021. I called him on Apr and ask him about account. That call ended up quite uncomfortable because I felt like I have been boosting myself the whole time. Anyway good or bad call doesn't really matter to me anymore. 

Next month is his birthday month. In 2020 I met him during Oct but we only meet at The Maker for coffee only. Wah...Why am I remembering all this time with him when I really have no feeling for him at all?? That's how boring my life.

Pau video called me from Solomon today and told me she has flirt with a young man (26yo)...She said is not a flirt but I think it is. And, this flirt make her anxiety attack. Luckily that young man went back home and no longer at Solomon. Just to record it down here so maybe when I looked back few years times it would seem interesting to me.

This month of 20th was my Baby Peter and Judy 3rd birthday. Judy wasn't feeling very well and I suspect is the toothache. Peter is doing fine and as naughty as before. They are really so sweet. This morning I took picture of mum's graduation and both of them lying near us just to watch it. They really are so clingy to me and I love them so so much. I always wondering whether they can feel my love for them? Peter and Judy, please be long live and stay longer with me for the coming years.........

I am very into seeking my soul recently and wanting to try new things to calm my mind and soul and also seek inside myself so I can have a better understanding about myself. The main reason to do so is for the purpose of improving myself in the coming years to come. This year when I was checking my goal that I set at the beginning of the year, I realize by listing out and also do the planning can really make me easier to archive my goal. Most important is to clear out all the wrong decision that I previously make and correct it. If I keep ignore it, my life and financial can never improve. So setting goal is really important and also do the planning early.

Started this month I have bought a new online software call Sweet Home 3D to improve my home plan drawing. My goodness, by looking back the house plan that I did previously I should start to use this earlier. Let me show you my new home plan: 

This software is really cool and not expensive to own. This is not monthly subscription to pay, is a one time payment. Although it is not many furniture accessories to choose from, but is good enough for me. But I am not sure after 10 years I would have financial ready for make this renovation. I am trying not to exaggerate the whole design, try to make it as simple and less changes as possible. But there is a lot of hidden area which I would have overlook. 

New Floor Plan @04.08.2021

Upstair floor plan

Downstair Floor Plan
 

Living Alone

source: Yaoyao Ma Van As

 Recently I have watched many Youtubers who are living alone and share their life through vlog with the viewers.  Somehow it makes me thinking I would be living alone in the future, mainly 8 to 10 years times. Would I be enjoying it? Actually now I am living with mum only, which consider a very quiet lifestyle also. So I think it wouldn't make a big difference as well. Just I can change some of the things that I am not comfortable of to the way I want. 

As my last few post mentioned, I am drawing floor plan for the renovation that I am thinking to change the layout of the house. One things that I really hate for the current layout of the house is the wet kitchen and the outside that I fed my cats. So hot and Itchy!! Yes, the mosquito and fly issues are so serious which really really make me nuts!! One more thing that really get in my nerves is I can't open the air-con whenever I want. Especially nowadays the weather is crazily hot and I am like living in a hot pot every single day.

Ya, so if I am allow to change these two issues, then living alone or staying with mum wouldn't be much different. Mum always said I would be so pity and nothing to eat when she is no longer with me. But meal issue is nothing for me. I believe I can learn to cook over the time when I have more chance to cook for myself. Living alone also means no one control when would I go to work, When would I have my meal, When would I want to sleep. 

Back to renovation plan, Over these few months, I have changed tremendously for the plan. I cut down many areas which I think is not essential to change the layout. Renovation seriously is a big things because it burns money!! By spending a lot but didn't get the mood or feel that we want is a common issues for many home owner. So that's why I need to plan it over ten years times and keep changing and observe the habit that I have so that after renovate, this house would be in a shape that suit my lifestyle as well as being practical about it. For example I think to myself, which area would I be staying in the most time when I am at home? TV Area. So this area needs a comfortable sofa that I can lie on and the air conditioner that I can on it anytime I want. So If this area needs to be cool all the time, the air conditioner needs to be in smaller size. Because It is not practical to on a big air conditioner for one person to stay in, right??

Another areas which I think I would be using a lot would be dry and wet kitchen. Dry kitchen for breakfast and wet kitchen for dinner. I don't like the current hood and cooking hob. I don't like the height of the basin also. So dry and wet kitchen would be a areas that would burn my renovation budget.

source: Yaoyao Ma Van As